They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
