C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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