I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
