the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
