what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
