u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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