I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
