I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
