I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
