nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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