Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize