I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
