can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
