So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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