I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
