pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
