ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
