Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize