yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
