dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
