I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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