I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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