I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
