she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
