Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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