i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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