Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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