Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Randomize
