Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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