I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
