Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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