the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
