I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My feet surprised me
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
