If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
