I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
