where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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