If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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