She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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