i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
