We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
