I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
