he wants to bone in the snuggie
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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