I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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