I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
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