Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i was born a porn star she said
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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