i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just found puke in my bra..
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
