Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
