He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
