Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize