he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Randomize
