I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
