yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
