time to smoke my breakfast
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
it's like heaven, but drunker
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
