Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
