Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
