There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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