i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
