pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
