I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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