dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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