You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
