Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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