Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
