So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
