you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize