I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
the day after is always just damage control
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
