If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
