Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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