even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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