Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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