I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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