No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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