Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
