I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
