It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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