The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
