Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
