I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
i think i just lost a toe
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
