when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
