the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
