I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
