the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize