Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
